Izel: so Ilay, how are you?
Ilay: Good. Yes.
Ilay: Both, I'm feeling both tired and rest did at the same time after the week of Christmas New Year's holidays.
Ilay: And, we had a full house.
Ilay: Right now, it's much slower and quieter, ready for New Year, and how about you?
Izel: Yeah. it was pretty nice.
Izel: Also, outdoor here in Israel, we don't really, really celebrate a new year. Yeah.
Izel: Since it's not a Jewish new year, but also, are the my wife, Reysi's parents are here.
Izel: Also, my parents came here also be, had a nice dinner together, Emily, at least, and it was really nice, and going well.
Ilay: Yeah. Yeah. That's good.
Izel: Yeah.
Ilay: Nice. So with the New Year, everybody has the same thing in their minds, I guess.
Ilay: New new me. And new me usually includes stuff we want to change.
Ilay: It's rare that we we talk about stuff we want to, improve, which is also very important.
Ilay: But if you want to change. What's your take on New Year's resolutions to change?
Izel: Yeah.
Izel: 1st of all, 1st of all, it's really nice when you have this kind of, points in life, every year.
Izel: I don't have a period of time that you can have, a dedicated time for yourself and maybe also family, just to think about where are you in life and where do you want to go?
Izel: On the other hand, I believe in a constant, progression and not just to wait for the new year to think about it.
Izel: I think it can be a good idea.
Izel: Also, make it maybe quarterly during the year or maybe monthly.
Izel: sometimes for some specific things, maybe weekly, anyway, it's a good practice, just to think about what do we want our lives should look like.
Ilay: Yeah. Nice. I mean, even even daily, there could be some stuff.
Ilay: you know, if if you're into journaling, asking yourself, what works today for gratitude and what needs work to see if there's any room for improvement or change.
Ilay: but, obviously, a year is also good enough, time frame, I think, also to check because some some not some, but many, many changes need some hide an exercise and practice, to really to see that it's, a long term change.
Ilay: Yeah. So that's why I think me is is a good excuse.
Ilay: even those studies show I think in about 35 days, many of the New Year's resolutions are dropped.
Ilay: why why do you think that is the case and what can we do about that?
Izel: Nice. bringing some numbers. I always like as an engineer.
Izel: first of all, we should differentiate between change and habits and also it's also very critical for to, realizing our goals to reach our goals.
Izel: Because goals, probably, mostly are not, from today to tomorrow, but mostly it takes time.
Izel: And in order to to get there, It's not always enough to change something in our life, but we need to build habits And the difference is that habits are the changes that we do automatically at the end of the day and not, putting an effort to do it, the new us, and and let's say just an example, I just want to be more active to walk every day or once a week.
Izel: This is our new goal. And the change is to maybe war, but the habit is not to feel and forcing ourselves to go out and walk.
Izel: And just without even thinking consciously, we are doing it.
Izel: Waking up, taking our, putting our shoes in the the sports suit, I don't know, and just go out.
Izel: Automatically it happens. So this is habits.
Izel: we need to build habits and transform our, changes into a habit been into habits in order to keep the change for a longer period of time.
Izel: And at the end, we will reach our goals. This is the main difference between change and habit.
Ilay: Yeah. I mean, it it could be the habit to to go for a run.
Ilay: The approach to that action, as we've said, is the main thing. Isn't it?
Ilay: if you are going for one every day and if you're feeling resentment and if you're forcing yourself to do it, even if you do it everyday, I don't know if you would fall in the habit.
Ilay: but I guess, technically, it could be
Izel: Yeah.
Ilay: For that to be in a ease and flowing state. I would say probably habits.
Ilay: If if they stick around, they become your character.
Ilay: So you become someone who has some activities, and then that character, if it's around, becomes your identity, and then you become an active person.
Ilay: Yeah. And then for an active person, go for a run. This doesn't really need a lot of energy.
Ilay: There's not much risk resistance out. But, definitely, that would be some repetition, and perseverance.
Ilay: So that's how we build the habits, I guess.
Izel: Yes. Exactly. yeah, first of all, I just wanted to also mention identity shift.
Izel: This is one of the the the headlines I would like to bring it here.
Izel: if, yeah, if we want to change things, it's one thing.
Izel: And if we want to change ourselves and be a new person, as you said, and you gave an example, I'm an active person from today.
Izel: I'm an active person. It doesn't necessarily have to be, you need to improve it Sorry.
Izel: Improve it to yourself that you need to run 10 k next day in order to be an active person.
Izel: This is state of mind we are talking about. Identity shift starts in our mind.
Izel: if in our minds, we are saying that I'm a new person. I'm an active person from now on.
Izel: This is an identity shift in our mind.
Izel: And so if you wake up with this bind set and start the day like that, you will, transform it into the moment, and it will be your, reality at the end of the day.
Izel: And identity will become your lifestyle and the action So, identity shifts is very critical and even more so, in they're talking about, not just doing the identity shift by saying I'm a new person or, I'm a active person.
Izel: You know, in your mind, kill the the the last, the old one, which means that if you thought until now that you are a passive person or you don't move a lot, you don't like to move a lot, etcetera.
Izel: you're not capable of these kind of things.
Izel: You need to kill in your mind in order to put a new place in your mindset for a new identity.
Izel: It's not just enough to add something. You need to leave the the old one.
Ilay: Yeah.
Ilay: Then how how how do you choose which which ones to leave and which one to change into.
Ilay: what would be the activation to actually to start this whole process of changing?
Izel: Okay. Great question again. first of all, as we always say, we need brings here some mindfulness, maybe also as an exercise.
Izel: Just to see just to connect or reconnect to ourselves, to our real identity, or to real self, not identity.
Izel: Sorry. And try to see where we stand in life and what we really like to be.
Izel: Sometimes we are just in a rush of the things that we try to accomplish.
Izel: We just forget what we really like and what we really want to do in life and go with the life, you know, raising kids, be successful in job, current job, etcetera, but before we get what we really like.
Izel: so some practice of mindfulness which I mean is that just try to sit with yourself and try to feel, are you okay with what going on in your life?
Izel: How do you feel? Where do you feel in your body?
Izel: it's something nice that you feel, or there's something resistance maybe?
Izel: When you just try to get calm, the your body will start to work, to talk,
Izel: this is my understanding of mindfulness to feel your sensations on your body and through them to see what you really like and your authentic self.
Izel: Solve to you.
Ilay: how how do you take on this prayer? I heard today. lord.
Ilay: If you can't make me slim, make all my friends fat. Yeah.
Ilay: how how is the motivation there?
Ilay: What's the difference between what you mentioned and and this kind of approach?
Izel: you know, I guess the the main point here is to, just to, first of all, to sit with yourself.
Izel: And, even if you don't if you, for a long time, you didn't, listen to yourself, it can be hard also, by the way, just to, to connect and reconnect to yourself.
Izel: there are of other things that you can do is start, you know, just breathing exercise and try to just relax and calm some activities that can come with you and then come to yourself and to sit with yourself.
Izel: But, if you just go out from the mindfulness point that we started.
Izel: we need to have at the next level a clear vision or maybe projection of the future self, future self, which means it's where do you see yourself?
Izel: I don't know. In X years, maybe X months. It depends on the topic.
Izel: this can give you a way just to, focus on something that you really want to be.
Izel: Because if you don't have a clear idea, about your future self, you never will get there. Right?
Izel: to focus on the, where do you want to be?
Izel: To have a clear vision of your future self is one of the main, things that can help you to reach your goals.
Izel: To create your goal, 1st of all, authentic goal, and then to start to reach and start to, progress.
Ilay: Yeah. It's, without, when you say, I want to be rich even in business.
Ilay: this is not always a good enough targets.
Ilay: ideally, you would have a numbering mind per year per month or in the bank group so that they can plan around that.
Ilay: They could into months, they could into days, break it into any fees that you're charging.
Ilay: if you say I want to be fit, that's probably not a good enough, targets because what is fit for you is it to be able to carry your child?
Ilay: Is it to be able to run a marathon?
Ilay: Is it to do with your weight or how we look?
Ilay:
Ilay: if you don't have a clear idea about where you want to be, obviously, the road to there will be probably longer if you are not really lucky.
Ilay: so how how do we go from where we are to that to that endpoint?
Ilay: If we did have a vision.
Ilay: And when you say vision, do you mean what I meant with numbers or look or something physical, or is there anything else to add to that?
Izel: I think vision has to be also connected to your feelings.
Izel: If you have just a vision of something that is far away from you and you cannot really connect to that picture that you have in your mind.
Izel: Even if it's very clear, etcetera.
Izel: If you don't have an emotional connection to that, probably you won't have enough motivation to reach there again.
Izel: So there should be very authentic feelings, positive feelings towards that vision that you, picture for yourself.
Izel: And to answer your question, how we get there, first of all, if you have a clear vision and which is aligned with your, real self, hopefully.
Izel: then, it's really interesting.
Izel: I heard just 2 days ago in, a podcast that talked about, how you set your goals.
Izel: And, I think also it's he's the, writer of the book 10 x is easier than 2 x.
Izel: I don't recall the party's name, but it was an amazing episode.
Izel: We can also share maybe later, with you.
Izel: so it says, in short, you need to have impossible goals not a goal that is reachable from the sense that now you can see the, that goal that you can reach.
Izel: But it's some it should be something impossible, but the he's he he doesn't mean impossible that can, fictionary and it's something that's really out of reach of everybody.
Izel: It's not the idea, but the impossible means that with the resources and the mindset, current mindset, when you think about it, it should be impossible in order to to reach them.
Izel: Why? Because it if you set yourself, 10, 2 x something that you can reach and you you know how to reach there.
Izel: It's just it doesn't really take you, far away with your life.
Izel: And with the, mindset that you already have or the mechanisms that you have in your life, you can reach that but it's not really good motivation, and enough motivation.
Izel: We will not create enough motivation, to reach that goal.
Izel: But if you have an impossible goal, then you need to start to think and make, maybe identity shift or mindset shift.
Izel: You need to bring new resources to your life in order to reach that impossible thing to make it possible.
Izel: So I really like the idea because in coaching, we talk about the, smart steps, smart goals.
Izel: and it's sounds like it's a bit contradicting to that because smart goal is reachable and reasonable, etcetera.
Izel: but I see it to connect it's what we told also to the region.
Izel: I think we need to have a big goal. you can take it as a impossible goal.
Izel: It doesn't matter what you call it, but something that's really not reachable, but your steps should be small steps.
Izel: And reachable steps. But at the end of the day, you need to bring new things in your mind.
Izel: You need to be creative. And which will also bring your creativity. We will, add to it your motivation.
Izel: And then you can reach the, impossible goal at the end.
Ilay: it does make sense, especially in in the sense of identity shift because if I'm not couch potato, And if I plan to do a run outside once a month, even for a dashboard later, that would be possible.
Ilay: But, obviously, then my target will be a little bit maybe not as useful as if it was more frequent.
Ilay: Yeah. But if I think about an identity who has move when exercising their character.
Ilay: That will be possibly 2 or 3 or more times a week and go out for a run.
Ilay: Which for a couch potato sound almost like impossible.
Ilay: So physically, as you said, it's very possible.
Ilay: But now having not exercised for few years, you almost cannot imagine it yourself.
Ilay: To do that. So that impossible for my current identity.
Izel: Yes.
Ilay: So if it's big enough to make me feel the idea a little bit a little bit uneasy.
Ilay: Probably that's when we feel it's big enough to make a real change. Mhmm.
Ilay: But then as you said, I'll count them target to have that next week or next month.
Ilay: You need to have smaller targets which you can measure how many minutes, how many times per week and so on.
Ilay: And then you push that border line up and up, to reach that. So that that that makes sense.
Ilay: But I will only dream that and even plan to go there.
Ilay: As you said, if I'm emotionally connected to the idea, if I have an idea about longevity, to be longer around my kids later in life to be able to physically capable of playing with them or playing with my grandchildren and so I think we find them emotionally connected.
Ilay: that idea may be able to come out with that crazy impossible hide here to run 2 times a week as an identity that doesn't do that now.
Ilay: Yeah. So that's a good sequence. Yeah.
Izel: Yeah. So we talked, now about, identity shifts and then having the vision and also emotionally, we connect to it to have that clear vision.
Izel: And then we said we need to have impossible goal, but the steps towards that should be reasonable and rehireable and small steps, as we prefer, we might prefer.
Izel: And, now we, I think, also need to talk about how to make this change towards habits, to take all the resistance out and to make it sustainable and long term.
Izel: All the change that we want in our lives.
Izel: So one of the main things I guess is to, I would like to bring at this is the growth mindset instead of fixed mindset.
Izel: which means if you really think that your past experiences shows the future This is a fixed mind, which I mean is, until now, I didn't run, 2 even 2 kilometers.
Izel: So it's impossible that I will, run 5 k. I don't know.
Izel: I will I will be a person that runs. Okay.
Izel: This is you are taking the past example and putting into your future. So this is a fix mindset.
Izel: When you have growth mindset, you say, okay. Until now, maybe I didn't run properly.
Izel: But I learned something from there, and I have the motivation.
Izel: So I will try to run and give we'll give a chance.
Izel: And if I will fail, fail that, I will not run or I will run and just stop it because it will be hard too hard for me.
Izel: So then it's an opportunity for me to learn how to make it differently.
Izel: And then at the end, really, to be a person that runs. This is a growth mindset. This is different.
Izel: So in order to have this growth mindset, of course, this is something general and you need to work on it also to to exercise and to, practice it.
Izel: But this is something that you have to have.
Izel: I personally believe in order to, to turn your, changes into habits.
Izel: And the second thing I would like to add to growth mindset is the resilience that we need to a little bit, grow.
Izel: Mainly, it is emotional resilience, which means, if you have some hard emotions during the during the process of changing and make it a long term change.
Izel: you're going to know how to deal with those emotions if you just push them away or make it them too much into your, to take them into your heart and to stay with them, it will be very, very hard to continue the process.
Izel: So you need to have some sort of resilience, and, not to be too fragile, there's also a book about that, to be anti fragile.
Izel: you can face the hardship of the change process.
Izel: so this is also, can come with the practice.
Izel: To be resilient, but also you can have some different tools to use.
Izel: let's say you are having a hard time and emotions are rising and you don't know what to do with those emotions because until today, you didn't deal with them.
Izel: So maybe you can start breath work just to make the to make the tuning a little bit lower in order to give a response afterwards and not just to, get away from down those feelings.
Ilay: Yes. So one of the things that I'm I'm feeling most people, could have an issue with a needs resilience around is also something very internal, the self critic.
Ilay: Where does the self critic, and maybe you would self love fit, with those
Izel: Exactly. So this is the next step I would like to talk, but this is the main thing,
Izel: I'm going through, different steps, but, we are going, step by step to the core of the thing.
Izel: So this is the the core of the of everything, I guess, that we need to have some self love and self compassion towards ourselves, first of all.
Izel: In order to, have the process in a healthy way and to grow from there.
Izel: And so yeah, if we talk about, 1st of all, I think it can be also, again, from also my personal experience, in one day, you don't start to love yourself if you have problems with yourself.
Izel: And, and also, self compassion can be sometimes hard to start with.
Izel: So I would recommend maybe, to start with the gratitude.
Izel: If we can build gratitude and be try to be, grateful to what we have already and who we are already, can be a good and easier step, on the small things, of course.
Izel: Let's say you are waking up in the morning or before you sleep, just three basic things that you can be grateful for.
Izel: It doesn't have to be with yourself directly. You can say, thanks god or I don't know.
Izel: I I I have, warm or the hot food, or I have a shelter or I have a family.
Izel: I don't know what you really care for.
Izel: so from that point, you start to build a little bit positivity in your life.
Izel: If you, build your gratitude.
Izel: So from there, you can go to the self compassion a little bit, which means is that, in the easiest way, I say it to, to people, what self compassion means is that how you treat yourself when you have a hardship or when you've mostly fail or something, and if you have self compassion, it means, if you treat yourself as you treat your best friend, let's think about your best friend.
Izel: Having something, I don't know, some relationship issues with, dispose. I don't know.
Izel: And he or she is explaining to you and how you treat him or her, even if you think that he, is doing something that you don't support, or I don't know.
Izel: You think that, something wrong.
Izel: so most of the time, we treat ourselves much more harsh and harder and we beat up ourselves and not our best friends.
Izel: So it's a good way of thinking that how would you like to say the same same in the same situation to your best friend?
Izel: And not to yourself. So then start to say those things to yourself.
Izel: You are not less than your friends. you shouldn't supposed to be.
Izel: So from there, we can go to self love. Yes.
Izel: It doesn't have to be in this order, but I like it that way. See it easier.
Izel: And we need to self our as allow ourselves in order to do anything in life but also to reach our goals because on the way, there will be a lot of, obstacles, and triggers from our childhood mostly.
Izel: That will bring up and will co cause us if you don't allow ourselves, we can start to, as you said, self doubt, or, South criticism.
Ilay: Yeah. It's it's quite important to quiet in that self critic voice.
Ilay: And then when things come down a little bring up, the tone of self love.
Ilay: And with that, again, as you said before, the one thing that could motivate us to do both of these could be the end result.
Ilay: If we are again emotionally connected to the end result, then we might have more energy, more power to quiet than the critic and make the love more louder in our head So that's a good thing to start with the end results and visioning and feeling and emotionally connecting to that in the beginning.
Ilay: And all of these come down calls will be, again, very, nicely put by yourself with mindfulness.
Ilay: realizing all these realizing that there's lack of completion at that second at that time.
Ilay: There's too much socialism, and maybe we pulled up the connection.
Ilay: There's also remembering to strengthen that connection.
Ilay: So with with each of these different steps, we can go and correct So, if you only are aware that we're.
Izel: Yeah. this is the the framework that I would like to bring in order to reach our goals.
Izel: It might sounds very, very far away maybe in a way that, okay, I thought we you will give us some, tips and tricks just to reach my goal.
Izel: I don't know whatever the goal is, but we a little bit, and delve deeper, than that in order to really reach your goals in life and not just start.
Izel: And then, most probably, fail or just leave it because it's not, you don't have, motivation, etcetera.
Izel: we can also talk about, you know, imposter syndrome that you don't you'd have the self doubt.
Izel: We talked about it, or you don't believe in yourself or procrastination.
Izel: All of these problems, that, can hinder us from, reaching our goals are coming from really, the the the last things at at least that we talked about, if you don't have the self wash compassion to ourselves and if we don't have the self love, we really cannot, sustain the change and, beat up ourselves.
Izel: And I don't know, of, 2024 all the year around.
Izel: And then reach our goal at the end. I don't believe in that way.
Izel: Even if you reach your goal, I guess it won't be really, joyful journey for you or for ourselves.
Izel: So I really see it as a basic step.
Izel: And if you are a little confused where to start reading.
Izel: I really, really recommend to start from gratitude exercise. Just tomorrow morning. When you wake up, just three things.
Izel: Most basic things that you are grateful, of having them in your life.
Izel: and from there, you can build a little bit self compassion when you are not aligned when your action will not be aligned to your goals on the way, you can build a little bit self compassion and you can be more understanding more, you bring more warmth because you are more grateful person once you already have.
Izel: So you can bring from there the the power and bring to the points pain points that when you don't really succeed, to the things that what you wanted and be more compassionate to yourself, And from there, you can have the growth mindset, what what we talked about, the resilience and mindfulness, and then having the setting the goals, having the vision, and reminding the vision, along the way, sometimes you fail, which is really natural process.
Izel: When you want to have the change in your life, it goes like that.
Izel: And when you are done, you need to remember what your vision was.
Izel: And to con try to connect to their emotionally, which is can be very strong.
Ilay: that's really great to have that framework.
Ilay: That that remind a few things you you mentioned.
Ilay: Reminded me about one important thing I think we we need to, mention is when you said the end target, hopefully, will be in alignment with your authentic self.
Ilay: Do you have any tip to see?
Ilay: Because it's samples, especially if you haven't done a lot of in in a work it might be difficult to know from the start if my aim, my target is serving my authentic self, or is it going to serve my programming, my, un chosen maybe culture or anything like that of society based, pressure.
Ilay: So, when I said with the pray I mentioned, god, if you can't make me slim, make my friends fat.
Ilay: So that doesn't really sound authentic because the target is not necessarily in good.
Ilay: There is more trying to fit in the society or the friend group so that everybody is similar It's not an internal target there.
Ilay: So how I mean, I have, maybe one simple way in looking at that.
Ilay: But I was wondering if you had any recommendations to see a quick check maybe.
Ilay: see if because when you said at the end of 2024, if you reach our targets and if it doesn't fulfill us, that probably will be because it wasn't an authentic connection.
Izel: Yeah. first of all, I have to say what the pop up in my mind to just to build your muscle, to be authentic.
Izel: I I really connect to be authentic to having the sensations in your body.
Izel: I think these are the, best sensors, to understand if it's something authentic or not.
Izel: So if you really don't feel that you have the connection to your authentic self and you are far away from that, the best practice I think of now is just an easy one.
Izel: from the small stuff, let's say the things that you like to eat and not like to eat, you think that you don't like it, just try to, close your eyes, eat it, taste it, and sense it.
Izel: And just to try to listen to your body, how it reacts.
Izel: If it's really aligned with what you think of, if you like it or not, but but the we are buddies saying, so this can give a little bit practice off starting to listening to your body, to your sensations.
Izel: And it can be music also. You think that you don't like, I don't know, popular music.
Izel: Just put some popular music. Try to calm down.
Izel: Don't try to be not prejudiced, but just to, listen to it. And then Listen to your body.
Izel: So this can be a little bit small practice of trying to getting closer to your real self, authentic self.
Izel: And then from there, you can build up your, you can vision something and then just try to to understand if its vision is yours.
Izel: Or your, communities or families or background. I don't know.
Izel: You can just try to listen to your body and as as much as you hear your, give a voice to your body and sensations.
Izel: It will be louder and louder and you cannot not here after a while, I guess.
Izel: And then you can understand the vision you put for yourself is your for your, instance, authentic or not.
Ilay: Yeah. I think that was very valuable.
Ilay: to to let the body talk, yeah, have the inner talk.
Ilay: one thing, again, I think is very, solid in these kind of changes for the long term habit and sustainable changes is to have ideals that are towards something, towards being healthy, towards helping people towards your ideals rather than running away from that, what could go wrong.
Ilay: So if you are, let's say, trying to lose weight, because you have family members who had heart attacks and other diseases, and you're trying to run away from that possible, negative situation.
Ilay: That adds to the texts because then either you're, successful or fail and have this condition.
Ilay: Whether if you are trying to get healthier so that you can go around the world and taste more food, that there's not much well, there is things to lose.
Ilay: You you maybe are not pasting as many dishes that you would, you could but still it's not that serious.
Ilay: So if you have something to work towards, always, is easier to sustain.
Ilay: I think that could be one, since we remember and check about the targets because it will be the same actions to date.
Ilay: Of the end result and the connection to that is is quite different.
Ilay: And with that framework, you mentioned, we have all the and, I think to spend some time listening to our body, listening to our authentic self, as you mentioned, then envisioning, and then having maybe a target or a dream that sounds maybe even impossible.
Ilay: The argument to see that we have now.
Ilay: And then going there step by step with visual, changes and never forgetting to silence out and putting the voice of self compassion to the maximum as much as possible sprinkling in some gratitude.
Ilay: I will make the next meeting.
Izel: Yeah. Great. Great summary. And, yeah, I have to say that, my last sentence, is that we have not I don't want to say have to, but we need to, enjoy the process of change if we want to turn it into a habit and at the end, reach our goals.
Izel: so in order to enjoy it, We have to, really self ourselves and have the compassion, self compassion towards ourselves in order to enjoy the process and, having it with warmth and love and kindness to ourselves.
Ilay: Yes. I definitely enjoyed this conversation. So too.
Ilay: As always, thank you very much.
Izel: You're welcome. Thank you too. And, and it's been a quite a long time, but if you really have some questions, we can try to answer it and also, you can reach us, with our, core x account in Instagram or you can subscribe, our channel in YouTube a bit also the name Gorex.
Izel: And yeah, we would like to be in connection and, have a great year.
Izel: And experience of yourself. And, yeah, we'll see you next week.
Ilay: Happy New Year, everyone, and see you next week. Take care.
Izel: Bye bye.
